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Why Parents Drink

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Enjoy a little break from all of this “work” we call sweepstakes. You’ll have to thank my friend Dave for sending this one to me. Dave is a wacky guy 🙂

A Mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Mom’. With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion……. Mom she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.. Don’t worry Mom. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

bad report cardYour Son, Paul

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at Dustin’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer.

I love you – call me when it’s safe to come home!

Just for the fun of it!

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Comments

  1. A Cowboy's Wife says:

    OH GAWD! LOL Geez, talking about seeing a mother’s jaw drop!

  2. I just HAD to post it. Being a mom of grown boys I can relate. It was too funny!

  3. Barterbabe says:

    I was stunned while reading and thought boy that sounds like something I would do as a kid. I got to the bottom and thought “now I know why my parents never trusted me” Thanks for the laugh.

  4. You got to admit the kid isn’t stupid lol After reading a note like that it would of made me think about it for sure and the child probably wouldn’t have been in so much trouble. Knowing myself I wouldn’t of called him to tell him it was safe to come home just to make him worry a little and I would of sat down and composed him a letter that read:
    Dear Son.
    At first I was so excited when I read your letter. I was thinking of all that money I was going to save with you no longer to support. I could take all that money from the designer label cloths that you just must have and buy me that new washer I been wanting.With the savings on all the groceries I will not be buying I would no longer have to clip coupons into the wee hours of the morning and I could buy that new frig with the ice cube maker in the door. Then not having to pay your way through college I can just vision myself driving the new Mercedes I’ve been eying on my way to work every morning. Without buying you all the latest in electronics I could call my travel agent and have him book that trip to Hawaii that your dad and I have been wanting to take. You sure you don’t know a girl name Stacy?
    P.S. Call me when you decide to either bring up your grades or move out.

  5. hondaray6 says:

    OMG too funny! Excellent reply exotic1

  6. I haven’t seen that one before, it’s hilarious. Thanks for sharing!!!

  7. That was so funny. I knew there would be a joke at the end but wasn’t expecting the report card. Very cute!

  8. exotic1, that’s hilarious! What a perfect rebuttal. Too bad my kids are grown or I might just have to use it on them.

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